When the bottle is empty
I find my mind at ease,
Invincible if you will.
Your cold hearted tone
No longer touches my aching heart.
The arguments cease their repetition in my mind
All I hear is silence.
An oxymoron of course,
But all is at a stand still
Today was another one of those days.
Another roller coaster I wasn't wanting to ride.
Yet, forced upon me, I held on tightly.
Today was not the day to fall off,
Perhaps tomorrow...
As the moon illuminates my paper,
I begin to wonder if this is all I'll have.
Will my only committed relationship be to my words?
They seem to always be there in my times of need
You-only when convenient.
I still continue my fight for you,
Pre-determined as it is that I shall lose.
Wanting to give up, but never willing
Your eyes shut off from the world, from me
Your smile captivating.
Looking for another cigarette now,
Doing my best to keep my tears hidden.
Where'd I put that bottle?
As my vices wear off
I begin to wonder if they are friend or foe,
Yet I continue the search for more...

Gone

Memories of lost loves
Add weight to her already heavy heart.
Smiles and warmth
Always ending in broken tears.

Never selfish, She took the blame
Something that has finally taken its toll.
Going through life suffocating,
She aches to never breathe again.

Numb from the ocean water
She finds no struggle in drowning.
As the last bit of light disappears over the horizon
So does she...

Untitled-IV

Her eyes turn orange
As she stares off at the distant sunrise.
A new day is dawning
Whether she is ready or not.

Constantly playing a game of hide and seek,
today she will become the seeker.
Looking for any reason at all
This day is her deciding factor.

Having spent the last year hiding her pain
Somehow there was a glimpse of hope.
The planning is done
But tomorrow will she be?

Untitled-III

Facing the flames of chaos
I yearn to touch.
Knowing burns are the definite outcome
Curiousity gets the best of my judgement.
Reaching out, I stop myself...
I should just jump in.
Living life never holding back,
Why tip-toe now?
Because it seems dangerous?
Ha!
With no regrets thus far,
I throw myself with immense force.
Pain consumes my every inch,
Then I am numb.
Crawling from the fire
I am invincible.
And this,
Is how I shall walk through the rest of my life.

Lexie

The memory of your smile
Haunts my waking moments
Yet I continue to look forward
To the awkward pain it creates

How did something so pure, so rare
Leave the world I live in?
Your skin so soft, your presence angelic
I crave the chance to hold you again

From the moment you arrived
You became all I knew
All I wanted to know
Everything I had

One year, eight months and eight days it's been
Yet I still feel you are a quick drive away
All I can do now is pray
That your beautiful blue eyes are watching, everyday

Untitled-II

Smoke from my cigarette dances in the breeze.
I am jealous.
That should be me dancing right now
But no, I just sit here.
Feeling as though I'm carrying the world on my shoulders,
I sink further into the bottle.
I'm trying to drown.
My only problem with that
Is the more I drink,
The more shallow the contents become.
I find myself still breathing
Just stuck on the bottom.
What a fool.
Lighting another I turn green with envy.
Is this really what I've allowed myself to become?

Untitled-I

Sitting alone
I'm finally at ease.
The chaos of the day
Has come and gone.

A warm breeze
Touching my exposed skin,
Tantalizes my senses
And steals me away

When did life become such a battle?
Constantly at war with what is and what should be.
Silence is my alliance
I believe it always will be.

Chasing dreams
That I never even see in my sleep
Make my mind weary
And my soul feel stale.

Staying wide-eyed and awake
I drink my wine at an unforgiving pace.
As my vision goes blurry,
I finally sleep.

-May 28, 2009